Digging Deep For Dion
For me the idea of infertility never crossed my mind. In fact when I look back to my high school years I always remember thinking and sharing with friends and family that one day if given the chance I would love to be a surrogate for couples who couldn’t carry their own child. Then one day when I turned 25 my world of hope was turned upside down.
I still remember the day my family Doctor said, “It’s time to go see a specialist”. I can still feel to this day the void that filled my heart with disappointment and shock. Everyone I spoke to always had positive words of encouragement for me. I heard everything from “You’re young you just have to let your body adjust itself”, “Don’t stress over it…it will only make things worse”, “Why do you want a child so young, you’re only 25 you have lots of time” to “If it was meant to be it will happen”.
That wasn’t good enough for me; I had to be in control. The desire to become a parent was so strong that I ached on a daily basis thinking about it. I just didn’t understand… I did everything right finishing University, getting married and then babies were next on the list. It’s funny how the influences around you can impact your social thought so much. You see your parents who struggled to raise you as a single parent, my grandparents who had been married since they were age 21, were there for me through everything who would never see a grandchild/great-grandchild from me. Everyone around me was doing the opposite, 2 of my stepsisters were 15 and 16 when they announced they were having a baby and hadn’t finished high school. In the next few years more and more family members were having their families and I was left with myself and my now x-husband. Why me? What did I do that was so wrong to be punished like this? I felt so incomplete, so empty and not a complete woman. I struggled with these and many more thoughts and doubts in my mind and in my heart never wanting to reach out to anyone and let them know that I wasn’t “strong” and that I had something in my life that I couldn’t control that was slowly eating away at my soul.
Finally I got the courage to have a conversation with my x-husband and although the majority of that conversation is a blur one thing I distinctly remember is my question to him…. “What if I can’t have children?” and his response “I don’t know if I want to be with you if you can’t have children”. My heart broke into a million pieces at that very moment. My world was collapsing; I was going to be alone! No one would ever love me if I couldn’t give them a child. I would never have a child who loved me as much as I loved my mother and grandparents. I was so void!
For the next year or so I became very obstructive to myself. Going out with friends at all hours to the bar, pool hall, dance clubs and drinking my pain away in the social atmosphere. I didn’t care about anything or anyone. Many of my friendships suffered for that because I pushed people away that I am sure if I had only opened up to them and let them hear my story they would have been there for me every step of the way. But I didn’t need them, are you kidding, I was strong; I was independent and knew what was best for me. Within a year and a half, almost two years I was separated from my husband and on the road to a divorce at the age of 27.
Life went on and the yearning got stronger and strong for motherhood. Although my life hadn’t changed socially my maternal clock started ringing in my ears louder than any thought I was having.
Remember when ICQ was all the rage and everyone was chatting up a storm on the computer. Well so was I. In February of 2002 I was chatting to a person I thought to be my friend when actually it turned out to be one of his friends using his ICQ to chat. That was the day I first spoke to my soul mate. We arranged to meet after a month of talking at a local pool hall and of course I went with 10 of my closest gal pals just in case… that was March 9, 2002. We dated for a while, keeping it casual as I was in no rush to get into a relationship after being married and having that fail miserably. He had said to me that he didn’t believe in marriage, “who needs a piece of paper to keep you together”. I was completely fine with that.
Meeting Tim was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Even though I was still in a downward spiral fighting depression, mood swings and devastation of the possibility of not being able to have a child, he was the light that made me wake up every day and want to go out into the world to face happiness.
In 2004 we bought a house together and life seemed so wonderful! For the few months before we moved in my life seemed to be on the right track again. I got my priorities straight and started on the up hill to facing the fertility issues again. The doctor’s appointments started, we were referred to the Hamilton Women’s Clinic because the Doctor here in our hometown could not monitor me like I needed to be. It was like starting a race and then having to start it all over again. Through testing Tim was found to be ok and the issue was completely me. It was confirmed that I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and through an HSG test that I had a bicornia-uterus. I was told that this can cause you to have a breach baby if the septum is too big so that the baby can’t turn and therefore a c-section is required to deliver. That I could handle as long as the end result was a baby. But in my case my hormones were so out of whack that I could go months and almost a year without having a period or spotting. Every month I remember feeling little twitches and thinking “Yes this is a period coming on” but then disappointment again because nothing would happen. What woman wants her period to come and is disappointed if it doesn’t? When I would say that to people they would look at me like I had two heads because to most women having a period is such an inconvenience and intrusion to their plans and daily events. After about a year of going to a clinic we were referred to in Hamilton we were told I was clomid resistant and the next step was to go the more expensive procedures; in vitro fertilization (IVF). My heart dropped. It was like getting slapped in the face for no reason and of course unexpected because I had begun living in my fantasy world that just because I went to the Doctors and did what they told me everything would work. It never crossed my mind that there would be more obstacles to overcome yet again.
Tim and I had decided after very long conversations that it wasn’t feesable to do the IVF at that point because we were just getting on our feet after buying the house, doing some renovations and so on. I was so disappointed and could feel my depression coming back worse and worse every day. I began flashing back to my first marriage; the last meaningful conversation I had with my ex-husband about not being with me if I couldn’t have children. Then I began to lash out at Tim and cause fights for no reason at all. Looking back now it was my way of dealing with the potential loss of Tim, like in my past relationship and I was defensively pushing him out the door through my actions and words and general nastiness towards him. Almost like giving him another excuse to leave me so I wouldn’t get the excuse of not being able to have a child.
To my complete and utter shock the words that came from Tim’s lips that changed everything for me was “I don’t need to have kids, you and I are just fine, you are all I want, and we have the dogs, they’ll be our kids and everything will be ok”(to paraphrase Tim).
To this day when I think of those words and that conversation it brings tears to my eyes, like now. It was like the sun came out and beamed down on me for the first time. I felt uplifted and at ease, he wanted me for me and not because he wanted children. My heart still ached and yearned for children but remembering those words and the look in his eyes when he said them to me carried me through each day when I had the thoughts of curling up in a ball and never getting out of bed, what was the point, I wasn’t a whole person if I couldn’t have a child.
A few years had passed and on Christmas morning just before we were rushing out the door to go to our families for Christmas breakfast Tim stood in front of me with a little box in his hand, looked down at me and asked me to marry him. I was shocked… for someone who said paper doesn’t hold people together he was actually proposing. Of course I said yes! Slowly the thoughts of motherhood crept back into the daily part of my thinking and the baby urges became strong again. This time I began to think of depriving Tim of being able to be a father, he didn’t deserve to have that opportunity taken away from him. I watched him with his nephews and how amazing he was with them, like a big kid himself. So now on top of hating myself for not being “normal” I began to hate that I was taking fatherhood away from him. I had it set in my mind that it was time to try another Doctor and see if anything was different this time.
We were referred to the S.O.F.T. clinic and we received the call for our first appointment very quickly. At this time I was 34 years old. Our journey was beginning again. We needed to start from scratch, all the blood tests, semen analysis and monthly monitoring. For some reason this time it felt different, like there was the glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. The attitudes of the staff and atmosphere of the clinic just felt right. Like this is where we were supposed to be, where we would get our answers. I needed to get a definite yes or no as to whether having a child of our own was going to happen or not. I couldn’t take the emptiness of not knowing any longer.
Our first treatment was what I would call basic, in that it was blood tests, seeing where my levels were at and what happened to the levels after we had done a round of Femara and Clomid. I call my system the stubborn part of me in that nothing really happened and we knew it was on to the next step. My hope never faded through these first couple of months largely in part due to the staff at the clinic. They were always so caring and reassuring and positive about what was happening. They told us what everything we had to do was and what it was for and what the results showed told them about our situation. The first place we were referred to didn’t tell us anything, didn’t guide us and certainly didn’t spend the time, effort and emotion on us that the staff at the S.O.F.T. clinic did. They answered all my questions and oh boy did I have a lot of them. The biggest question that no one could help me with and that I dare not ask out loud was “why me”? This was the question that I could never have answered and it bothered me something fierce.
Our next step was to introduce the injection called Bravelle with the Femera and clomid. Waiting for a cycle to start for me was like waiting for a pot of water to boil that didn’t contain any water to start with. I had to use a birth control pill for 10 days to get my levels to the point where a period would start. This was so frustrating! I went through so many different emotional ups and downs. Started a lot of nonsense arguments with my husband and was slipping back in to a very dark emotional state. Why wasn’t this happening for us? I began to journal every time I had a frustrating thought and it seemed to help to write it all down, feelings, thoughts and questions. I have recently gone back to look at those entries and it seems like I was a different person then. I remember bits and parts of some of the entries and what happened that day to trigger an upset. Like seeing a teenage mother walking down the street screaming at her kids to hurry up and she didn’t have all day to wait for them. There were times I wanted to just go and tell people like this “wake up, at least you have a child you should be happy and grateful you can have children instead of treating them like a dog you’re dragging down the street. These horrible emotions came over me even when family members announced that they were pregnant. I was happy for them truly I was, but there was that dark part of me that resented them for it. Going to our nieces and nephews birthday parties would trigger a 2 weeks long depression where all I thought about was having a baby and how come we don’t have one. I feel so sad reading those thoughts but I understand now that it’s all part of the process and emotional roller coaster of having fertility issues.
In September of 2009 I had an operation called Ovarian Cauterization. I was so scared. I am so strong when others have to have surgical procedures but when it’s me; deep down I am nervous mess. I remember lying on the bed in the hall waiting to be pushed into the operating room thinking, “did I tell everyone I loved them”? Even though it’s not a huge procedure and I got to go home a couple hours after, the fear ran though me. I remember thinking that this is all so we can have baby of our own, so I can watch Tim be a wonderful father that I know he would be. The results from this procedure came back that they put 10 holes in each ovary and that they found a bit of endometriosis on the outside of my uterus, they cleaned up for me, which to my understanding would come back eventually but very slowly. The Doctor said everything looked good and that we would have to wait 3 months to see if it helped my system re-boot itself. So we waited and did some more monitoring and still nothing was happening.
June 2010 was a very stressful month. More questions and self-doubt were building up on me emotionally and I just couldn’t deal with them any longer. I was giving up. All hope was fading into the distance with no chance of return. We went through a cycle of marvalon for a month (mid may to mid June) to bring on a cycle. I got my cycle at the end of June 8 days after my last marvalon pill. Starting our day 1 I had no hope, no anticipation for this cycle because of the hallow void I had put myself into by giving up. It was like a routine, something that I did every month and knew what the result was going to be, no baby! Our medicine routine of 3 Letrozole on day 3, 2 clomid from days 3 to 7 and injections of Bravelle once a day for days 6 to 10. Then I would wait until a monitoring day of day 10 and I traveled to London, to the clinic for blood work and ultrasound. The first ultrasound showed small follicles but nothing measurable. I was told not to bother with the last injection of Bravelle that I was to give myself later that day. My heart sank! I remember looking at Pat a nurse at the clinic and feeling all glazed over like someone took my vocal cords and brain and threw them into space and I was waiting there all dazed for them to come back so I could speak. I remember saying, “ok” with my strong face on and then walking to the desk to book an appointment to meet the new Doctor, Dr. Frank.
I met with Dr. Frank 2 days later. I had asked my mother to come to my appointment with me because Tim couldn’t get the time off work. I needed her there because at this point because nothing was happening through the previous monthly monitoring, I had just completely given up. I just needed to hear “I’m sorry you can’t have children”. That definite NO BABIES for us. But to my surprise I didn’t hear anything like that. Dr. Frank was such a delight to speak with and you could see that she felt for every patient she dealt with in her eyes when she spoke to you. During that visit with her and having my mother there to help me if I went blank again made me shake my head and smarten up. I was making up my own little world, a world of despair and emptiness. Her recommendations were to go on metformin and do the monthly monitoring. The metformin she wanted me to go on was to help with my insulin levels in my body, which I believe helped with the rest of the hormones and bodily needs to have a monthly cycle and get me back on track. In the next few months that is exactly what happened. I didn’t need to take a pill to get a period to start. It eventually started all on it’s own! Finally a ray of sunshine and hope! So we waited out that monthly cycle until day 30 and I had a pregnancy test done just to make sure on July 30th, 2010. It was negative. I didn’t have time to wallow in the negative result because the very next day is the first time my period started on it’s own! I had never been so happy to get my period!!!
August 2010 is the month I will never forget for the rest of my life! It all started off normal and the medications changed a little bit, no more clomid. I had to take Femera on days 3 to 7. NO INJECTIONS! On day 10 I went to the clinic expecting the usual “follicles are small, nothing measurable”. But wait… no the ultrasound technician was doing more typing on the keyboard. What did she find? What was on the screen? Then she turned to me and said, “the left ovary is small.” I felt a little flutter in my heart, my ovaries had never been distinct from each other it was always a ‘they’ not a “left” and “right”. I could feel my heart start to race. Then the news was delivered…. the right ovary has a follicle measuring 11. Well I have never felt so uplifted and so shocked in my life. I was floating on cloud nine! I now had to come back on day 13 and have another ultrasound and blood work done. We had never made it this far before. Was the universe finally letting up on me, had I had enough devastating moments and heartache? For the two days in between those two ultrasounds I had never felt so good, so like my old worry free self.
The 2nd ultrasound showed a 17 on the right and still small on the left. Then the third ultrasound on day 15 showed a 19 on the right and small on the left. I was silent most of the way home but in a nice silence, a calm silence. Like I was in a dream, that I was someone else, like I was in someone else’s situation and everything was completely normal. It was so strange and euphoric. Then when we were almost home I got the call. I remember looking at my phone thinking why is the SOFT Clinic calling me; we were just there an hour ago. I answered the phone and to be honest I can’t remember who I spoke to the only words that I remember are “you’re surging”! I looked at Tim and had a hug smile on my face. Let’s just say that night and for the next week Tim was a very happy husband! Twelve days after our surge date I had a little bit of spotting. My heart sunk! I’m not pregnant. I called the SOFT clinic and told them that I thought my period was starting. Brad had advised me to just wait until day 32 to go have a pregnancy test done. I didn’t have any more bleeding other than that day and I just chalked it up to stress over the last few days. So I went for my pregnancy test on day 31 and waited for the next day for the results. Brad called me in the morning and said “guess what” I said “what” being half asleep and in a daze still. He said, “Guess!”. I paused for a second… could this be… am I? I said “what”. Brad then gave me the best news… I WAS PREGNANT! All this emotional pain and suffering paid off. It actually worked. All the doubt that I ever had, the depression I put myself through was all completely faded into the past. I was so happy. Even the word happy doesn’t express the amazing feeling I was having when I heard those words. So now I had to go for a 2nd pregnancy test to see if the numbers were going up. Unfortunately those numbers were going down. I was losing the pregnancy. From Monday to Friday I went from the highest high to a low again. This time was different though. I wasn’t put in a slump and hiding under the covers in bed not wanting to face the world. I said to myself this wasn’t meant to be our baby but it was a sign sent that was the answer to my question I had been crying over for the past 10 years. I can have a child and we WILL have our child!
For the months of September and October we went through similar monthly cycles. Using the medication femera on days 3 to 7. My period was still coming all by itself, which made me happy. September’s monitoring showed a follicle on the right measuring a 12 then measured a 16 in the next ultrasound. On day 14 we went back for the 3rd ultra sound showing a 26 follicle on the right and it was announced that we now had a follicle on the left as well. It measured 19. I was shocked and laughed and thought what if they both release…. Tim will have a cow… twins! We had to come back for a 4th ultrasound this time and it showed a 26 on the right and a 23 on the left. My emotions and attitude had changed since the loss of the pregnancy in August I was only allowing positive thoughts in my head, only accepting that the end result will be positive. Later that afternoon Pat called and said “it’s date night tonight”. I was surging. That was the end of the cycle monitoring for that month and a result of negative on the pregnancy test.
October was the month we added Bravelle again to the cycle in addition to the femera. The ultrasound we showed 3 follicles, 2 on the left and 1 on the right. We were asked if we were going to do an I.U.I (In uterine Insemination) with the cycle. Because we had success doing it the old fashioned way in August I had my reservations on spending the money to have the IUI. But we decided to go ahead and unfortunately Tim couldn’t come with me he had to work. So he made his deposit in the little cup and off to the clinic I went to make a baby. Day 29 came around and a negative followed for the pregnancy test. My emotions were still on a high with the hope and possibilities of getting pregnant again.
November 2010. We were now into the winter weather and we were contemplating giving it a rest for a while with all the driving to London and tests and such. But there was something inside me that just wouldn’t give up. I had to go. So we started the usual cycle of femera and bravelle just as we did in the past month. Day 10 had arrived and it was time for blood work and ultrasound again but I had such a bad headache that I didn’t go on day 10 I went on day 11 instead. They found 2 follicles on the right measuring 18 and 21. We were asked to come back on day 13 for blood and ultrasound again. It was a Sunday, bright and sunny outside and generally a nice day for November. I went into the ultrasound in such a good mood almost euphoric again. The ultrasound showed a follicle on the left, which wasn’t there before measuring a 20. This had happened before so I wasn’t shocked to hear that. But the follicles on the right had disappeared! Did I ovulate and release the eggs? Is that why my mood is so good today? I reported the findings to Brad and we talked about doing an I.U.I then and there because both Tim and I were there and if I did surge I wanted to make sure we caught it in time. So we had blood taken and the results showed I was surging. We went in for the I.U.I. and then twelve days later I just couldn’t wait until day 32… so on day 25 I took a home pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE! I called the clinic, spoke to Brad and he sent me for blood work. He got the results the next day and called me…. they were 38 and I was pregnant. Now was the time when I had a bit of a panic. Just because of August and getting the positive result then finding out 2 days later that the numbers were going down and the pregnancy didn’t take. I was afraid. This was a new emotion for me during this process. I think because I was still so happy that it actually was working it didn’t really scare me into a panic like it surely would have years ago. Because I did the test 5 days early Brad had to do some calculations when he got the 2nd blood test results to make sure everything was on track. I know I was such a pain doing the home pregnancy test but something just urged me to do it. I couldn’t wait and patience has never been strong quality in me. He called and said everything looks to be on track. We were really pregnant!
I can remember all the joy and excitement. I wanted to shout from the rooftop but my husband seemed very hesitant and reluctant to tell anyone. When I talked to him about the baby and what we needed to do to get ready for the arrival he seemed distant and not as excited as I was. I didn’t understand why he wasn’t excited until I asked him when I was about a month along. He didn’t really express why he wasn’t as excited as I was but I could tell he was afraid of the disappointment in case of a loss. I told him that this time was different, I could feel it, I just knew everything was going to be wonderful and work out for us, our luck was changing! It was a very long time before my husband showed any emotion towards the arrival of our baby. In fact, the first time I saw him smile and get that twinkle in his eye was when we went for our ultrasound when we were finding out the sex of the baby in March 2011. When the technician told us it was a boy, I looked at my husband and he had the slightest curl in the corners of his mouth and his eyes were saying it all, “a son”!
Our very first ultrasound in January 2011 at the S.O.F.T clinic was a very memorable day. My husband couldn’t get the time off work so I had asked my mother to come with me. It was important to share that moment with someone special and if it couldn’t be my husband I wanted my mom there because she was such an important part of our journey I wanted her to be there with me. I can remember the tears of joy and the giggles when the Ultrasound technician showed us the little “peanut” growing in my tummy. My mom had never seen an ultrasound of a fetus before, when she had me they didn’t do ultrasounds like they do now. I remember so clearly the joy in her eyes after she seen the baby do a little “wiggle” almost like he did a dance for us when the technician moved the ultrasound wand. Finally I was giving my mom the ultimate gift that I could give her, a grandchild!
The next few months were very a roller coaster of emotions. I remember waking up to a phone call from Brad telling me “not to worry” but he wanted to let me know so we could make an informed decision…. I was in a daze from just waking up and wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. Our test for the genetic screening for abnormalities came back slightly elevated for spina bifida. We knew that because of my age I was at a higher risk. I couldn’t believe this was happening. As if it wasn’t enough we had to go through all this to get pregnant and now this was happening. I was beginning to doubt myself again and wonder if I was really meant to be a mother. How could so many things happen to one person, what did I do wrong for all this to keep happening to me?
We were referred to McMaster Hospital in Hamilton to see a geneticist to have further testing and screening. I was faced with the question…”what are you going to do it the baby does have a challenge?” I couldn’t imagine not having this baby! This baby was meant for us, it had taken so long to get him that there was nothing that was going to be an obstacle we couldn’t overcome to have this baby. Thankfully my mother works at Lansdowne Children’s Centre in our hometown Brantford and I had a good understanding of what children with special needs go through and what the parents face. I knew the resources we could have to help us through if the baby did have special needs. After a very long doctors visit and ultrasound the Dr’s at McMaster were confident we were fine. There was no way of for sure knowing until the baby was born but every ultrasound from then on I asked about the baby’s spine and if they saw anything abnormal. Every time the answer was “no, everything looked fine”.
Just when I thought there couldn’t possibly be anything else that we had to deal with….we now had to deal with gestational diabetes! Seriously, what next? I was so flustered with all of the events happening to us. Gestational diabetes basically meant for us watching what I ate, taking blood sugar levels, more needles, more needles and MORE NEEDLES… I was convinced I was a pincushion! The last 8 weeks of my pregnancy I had an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok with the baby, estimate weight and every other week a biophysical. Then on July 26th, 2011 our last ultrasound and biophysical before the inducement date the week after our Baby Doctor, Dr. Rooney came in and looked at me with a very serious face and said “my dear you are not leaving without a baby”. I looked at her and said with a smile “ok”. She said “no, seriously we are admitting you, I don’t like what the baby is doing on the monitor and knowing your history and how long it took you to get this little guy, I’m not going to risk anything. Gestational diabetes babies have habits of doing funny things”. I remember looking at my mom who had come with me because I was as big as a house and couldn’t drive myself to the appointment and being shocked “you’re going to have to go shopping by yourself now” I said to her. We had been planning for the past 2 years a family reunion for my grandfather’s side and it just so happened that before we knew we were pregnant we booked the reunion for the August long weekend, which ended up being 2 weeks before our original due date. After everything else that had been thrown at us why would the delivery be any different.
We were admitted to the hospital on July 26th, 2011 just after 3pm. Did I mention it was also our 3rd wedding anniversary that day! I called Tim on his cell phone, he was just finishing work at 4pm. I didn’t get an answer. I called his work phone and told them to tell him not to worry or rush but to call me when he got a chance we were being admitted to the hospital. He called me and man-o-man I could hear the tension and excitement in his voice. I told him not to rush, to go home, shower and then come to the hospital. The baby wasn’t coming but we were admitting to be induced as soon as the Doctor could fit us in. It was a busy day at the hospital on the maternity ward.
I was put on an I.V drip to keep me hydrated. We stayed the night at the hospital and then the Dr came in the next morning and said they were going to use a gel to help my cervix dilate because I was only 2-3cm. I was 2.5 weeks before my delivery date and our plan was to induce 2 weeks early so all this hustle and bustle wasn’t much of a surprise to us. We were worried that with the gestational diabetes the baby would be too big to deliver. The ultrasound the morning we were admitted estimated the baby’s weight at 8.3lbs. The Doctor came back in at 1pm and broke my water to help me progress. What an experience can we say flood city! No wonder my belly was so big I was carrying Niagara Falls in my stomach. We then had a pitocin drip added to help us along. I did not enjoy that at all. The contractions were very strong and one right after the other for a long period of time. I finally gave in and asked for the epidural. I couldn’t take it. The contractions were so strong and taking my breath away because they were all in my lower back. I thought I was strong… heck no… give me that last needle!!!
I was checked again throughout the day and finally at midnight the Doctor came in and checked me one final time. I was at 5cm. The baby was ok, not in distress and doing fine. I remember the Doctor looking at me and saying well it’s quiet now do you want to have a c-section? I knew that a c-section meant I would be in the hospital for 3 to 5 more days! That would take me to a release date of Sunday or Monday. OH NO! The family reunion we had taken the last 2 years to plan was happening Friday, Saturday and Sunday and I wouldn’t be able to be there if I had to stay in the hospital. The Doctor left the room while my mom, Tim and I talked. I broke down, burst into tears I couldn’t take it anymore. Everything up to this date, all the emotions, stresses, and obstacles and then this. I was the one in charge, organizing the reunion, running the daily events, was going to meet family I’ve either never met before or haven’t seen since I was a teenager and so on. At that point I just wanted to hold my baby in my arms and feel that feeling of all this was worth it. So we decided to go ahead with the c-section. At 1:06am on Thursday July 28th 2011 Dion James Michael was born. He weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 12oz and was 22inches tall. Our little miracle was finally here.
To complete our journey I was bound and bent I was making it to the reunion. I was up and walking later that afternoon, regaining my strength. It was so nice having a private room where Tim could stay with me for Dion’s first few nights in the world. There were still some obstacles to over come, breastfeeding being one of them. Dion passed his diabetes tests and was able to stay in the room with us. Because Dion was a gestational diabetes baby there was a possibility that he’d have to have an I.V. and he’d have to have formula so he didn’t go into low blood sugar because he was used to getting the high sugar from me. After his first 3 feedings he was completely normal on the blood sugar charts. Friday I was feeling fantastic. The nurses were amazed at how I bounced back and how well I was doing. We rarely needed their help or assistance with Dion. Saturday morning came around and the Dr came in to check me over and asked how I felt and honestly I felt amazing. I don’t know whether it was that I was still on a natural high from having Dion and how fantastic it felt to hold him in my arms finally after all that we had gone through to get him but I felt perfectly normal other than a little soar and tender where the c-section in-scission was. The Doctor was impressed with me, said if Dion gets the ok to be released then I can go as well. We decided to not tell my family that we were being released and sure enough we had family come visit us. The funniest part was the whole floor, all the nurses and Dr’s all knew about the reunion and how badly we wanted to go home that while the family was visiting the Dr that was going to check Dion to release him was pacing the hall waiting for our visitors to leave so he could come and check Dion out. I laughed so hard when our visitor’s left and the nurse came rushing in “is it ok now” she said. I love those ladies they were awesome! The coast was clear and Dion got a perfect bill of health and we were released!
We made our way home, then to the reunion. The best feeling in the world introducing my son to almost 100 members of my family at his 1st reunion. My grandfather at age 83 was one of 16 children was the eldest member of the family there and my son was the youngest at 2 days old! I was so proud!
My words of experience…. If there is anything that I can share from all these bumps in the road on our adventure in baby making is to never stop listening to your inner voice. You know deep down what’s right for you, what can and can’t handle and if this journey is right for you. Never doubt yourself. Your dreams can be realized, it may take time and be full of up and downs, laughter, tears and heart ache but in the end when you are holding your little one in your arms there is nothing more fulfilling than feeling their little hand wrap around your finger, their warm breath as they lay their head on your chest and their first smile to make all the difficulties seems like a whisper in the wind.
***A special thanks to an amazing group of professionals at the S.O.F.T. Clinic.
Without your wisdom, experience, encouragements and patience we couldn’t have made it through our journey. We thank you so very much for all that you have done for us in our journey to get our little miracle!***
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